Come What May [Layla]

[Phoebe Minola]

Phoebe stopped only when she realized she had got to the park. She could barely remember getting here from the Shrine. All the way there, her mind was just plain blank. She was on auto-pilot, to put it in a way.

She slumped onto the first bench she found, dropped her hammer to the ground - Good God, had she been carrying it in her hands all the way there? - and then...

Then she leaned forward, let a gut-wrenching, quivering sigh and put her elbows to her knees. She was hurting pretty badly from the aftermath of the battle, she was a little grimy and dirty from the fight and she felt exhausted, physically and mentally.

My God... when did it get so bad? she thought. When did Vice...? How?

She groaned. That... that was too painful to think about, so soon. Just a week ago they'd met and talked and he seemed... perturbed, she realized suddenly. Had that been the precursor? Was he already going by then? She shivered. If only she'd been there when it happened, maybe she could've--

What? What could I have done? she thought suddenly. Vice was a freakin' juggernaut, if he got overwhelmed and died, what the fuck would I have done? I'm not very strong and I don't even... I don't even know what to do most of the time...

It all came back. Today they hadn't fought in any organized fashion. They were a mob. They weren't people, they were a passel of angry, slobbering and howling dogs who would sooner turn and tear each other's throat out rather than unite against a common enemy. Nobody listened to reason. The idea of teamwork and co-operation sailed cleanly over everyone's heads.

It was a miracle that nobody died in that fucking mess. And if someone did, Phoebe was certain it wouldn't be the Shadows' fault. The blame would be laid directly at the feet of the Users, who couldn't get their collective heads out of their assholes and climb down from their pedestals long enough co-ordinate an attack on a threat that was aiming to wipe them all out.

She'd tried, during both last fights, to get at least some people to organize. To get some crude form of a plan set into motion. To help. And both times she'd been rebuked and criticized. This time it wasn't as bad as the last, she hadn't been chewed out, but she felt it. She felt it in the way they looked at her with expressions that read 'are you an idiot' or 'shut up'. Exasperated, sneering and cold expressions. She wasn't... looking for approval, she told herself. She just needed an excuse to keep holding on. A sense that she was doing something, that she was... needed.

Clearly, the other Users felt she wasn't needed. And really, maybe she wasn't. She didn't have any outstanding abilities. All she was good at was soaking up damage and providing a little bit of a defense boost.

I guess... I'm just useless. Maybe that girl Ran is right. Maybe I'm just... going about this all wrong. I should probably... stop showing up for the full moon fights. I mean, it's not like I contribute anything significant...

Absently she realized her face was moist. She had been crying.

[Layla Amare]

Well, suffice to say, the earlier fight had left a bad taste in Layla's mouth. She wanted to just go home and sleep this one off. Maybe after going out and fighting more shadows for awhile, or getting into some less chaotic situations with allies, she'd feel better. For the moment, though, she needed to be away from the mob.

As she walked back, she passed by the park and saw one of them. If memory served, her name was Phoebe. Other than that, Layla only knew two things about her. One, she had tried, unsuccessfully, to organize and direct people during the last two fights. Last month, she had been giving bad directions due to inexperience. This month, it couldn't entirely be blamed on her. Even Holly was criticized on her directions this time, even though Layla thought they had been pretty sound.

The other thing Layla knew was that Phoebe had treated her to dinner after the last big fight, even though she'd been a late and unexpected arrival. That was a kindness she would need to repay at some point, and now seemed like a good time. Especially since as Layla got closer it looked like Phoebe had been crying.

"Hey," Layla said softly, sitting on the bench next to Phoebe and resting a hand gently on her back. "How're you holding up?"

[Phoebe Minola]

Phoebe jumped a little in surprise when someone sat down beside her and put their hand on her back gently. Actually, part of her was surprised more at the gentleness of the act rather than the sudden appearance of someone. She stared at the girl for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. She was familiar. In fact, Phoebe remembered her from the aftermath of last month's full moon battle, at the diner. Her name was...

She frowned for a moment. Darn her and her befuddled brain right now. Layla, that was it.

"Oh... h-hi, Layla," Phoebe blurted and to her embarrassment, out came a quibble. "It's Layla, right? I'm sorry, I'm... a bit blah with names sometimes."

She pulled off her glasses and holding them in one hand, she wiped her face with the ball of her other palm. "I'm alright, all things considering. I mean, I'm alive. Nobody died so... I oughta be happy. But..."

She lost it. She had tried to keep her tone even and keep herself from crumbling but she couldn't. There was a dam bursting in her and feelings and words were now pouring out and she couldn't stop them.

"I'm not sure I can do this," she groaned and covered her eyes with her hands, dropping her glasses on her lap. "Vice is... is dead, I can't seem to keep my head during these battles, everyone's just fighting with each other... and I feel..."

She paused, sobbing a little. "...I feel like people hate me," she uttered.

She took a moment to get her breathing under control and wiped her eyes again. "N-normally that... doesn't bother me. I don't c-care so much about what people think of me. But in this situation I...I really wanted to help. I hoped I could make a difference, even a tiny thing. Last month... I messed up. And this time I...I got scared. Of... of the other people more than the S-Shadows! I'm starting to worry that maybe it'd be b-better if I stopped showing up for the full moon battles but then I think, what if I don't and something happens-- like tonight?"

She sniffled and wiped her face on the back of her arm, her face turning pink to complement her red-rimmed eyes now. "S-sorry to just drop all that on you. I've b-been really worried about this and everyone."

[Layla Amare]

Layla nodded as Phoebe guessed at her name. But she stayed quiet, and simply let her talk. And listened. That was the most important part. She wouldn't be able to help Phoebe if she didn't at least pay attention to what she said. And although she could guess at a few things going on, she hadn't actually expected Phoebe to unload on her. First, about Vice being down, then the in-fighting from the one they'd just came from. And then, she really dropped it. She felt like people hated her. Why? Because she messed up? ...No, it was probably the build up of that and everything else.

Layla wasn't going to act on assumptions, though. When she finally spoke, she addressed what Phoebe said at face value. "I can't speak for everyone else. But I don't hate you," she said. "And if you want to help, sitting out isn't going to do that. You're not actively harming the battle effort, like those two were." Layla thought back to the girl and guy who had started shooting at each other. Hopefully, that wouldn't need any elaboration. "Even if you messed up, you're doing fine. None of us are professionals at this. Heck, I've been fighting since the very beginning and even I'm still stumbling around at times." She gave Phoebe a small smile. "Of course, if you really think you can't keep doing this, I won't stop you from staying behind. I just wanted you to know that you're not hurting anything by being there. As for everything else..." She leaned in and pulled Phoebe into a gentle hug. "It sounds like you need this."

[Phoebe Minola]

Phoebe wiped her eyes and sniffled a bit, listening to Layla. How wonderfully calm this girl sounded. It was amazing and in a way, it had been what Phoebe needed. Just some calmness after that shitstorm back at the shrine. She frowned at the reminder of the two people who started shooting at each other out of nowhere. That had been downright awful and crazy. Just crazy. How could two people who were supposed to be on the same side, decide to pick a massive fight right in the middle of an all-out, life or death situation!?

She shook her head. "Those two were nuts," she muttered.

She smiled weakly at Layla. "I... thanks. Y-you're right. I let myself lose it. I shouldn't give up."

She was surprised when Layla leaned in and gave her a hug. That nearly broke her and made her start crying again. But Layla was right, she did need it. It had been so long, since this started, that she hadn't had this kind of gentle contact that in a way, it was like she had been a thirsty man in a desert who finally hit an oasis. She reached out and returned the hug warmly.

"Thank you, Layla," she said and sounded calmer. "Gosh, I... really almost had a big panic attack there. I guess it's just all this stuff happening all at once. I lost sight of what mattered."

She breathed out and put her glasses back on, after wiping them with a side of her shirt. "If... if I can still contribute to the bigger picture and help, I don't think it matters what people say. I'll get better," she said and quieted down before adding. "...I'll get good enough to fight Vice. Hopefully."

Then she rubbed the back of her neck. "But you were great in the fight, I saw you," she said. "I thought you did great. You use a really unique weapon-- and you're really good with it."

[Layla Amare]

Phoebe accepted the hug, and seemed calmer again after Layla finally let go. That was good. She seemed to be somewhere between panic and breakdown before, which wasn't good for much of anything. Now that she was calmer, she resolved to keep helping and to get better. 'If she could still contribute' she said. Layla laughed faintly. "Did I tell you how our first big fight like that went, last time? We were all pretty new and starting out, but me especially. I could count the number of times I'd had to fight shadows before that point on my hands. All I could do was keep throwing weak attacks at it and hope it was doing something." She closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. "Well, until a bunch of people got poisoned, at least. But even then, this was back when I could only cure one person at a time, and it ended up getting so frantic at the end that I couldn't focus on that until the fight was over." She opened her eyes and looked back at Phoebe. "I felt weak back then, but I learned something from that. Even if it doesn't seem like you're doing much, as long as you're not hurting the effort or getting in the way, you're still helping. So don't worry about contributing. Just being a part of the fight is contributing. ...As for fighting that guy, though, you may have to get in line. Those two in the maid uniforms seemed pretty intent on getting first dibs."

She said the last part with a lighthearted tone, but she wasn't feeling good about that at all. She wasn't close to Vice, but it seemed like a lot of people were, and that shadow had hurt all of them by killing him. That alone was enough of a reason to go after him. And it seemed like she had the tools to do it now.

...Speaking of tools...

"Oh, this?" Layla asked, lifting her shield so that the hilt of the urumi she had used during the fight. "It's called an urumi. And...well, you saw exactly what it's like. Not something I recommend trying to use unless you already have a lot of weapon skill and experience."

[Phoebe Minola]

Phoebe blinked. "Oh wow, that... sounds insane," she blurted. "But... yeah, I remember feeling like that the first time I saw a big Shadow, in the cemetery. It was a scorpion and... I'm terrified of spiders and scorpions. It poisoned me and I was puking my guts out through the whole fight."

She cringed at the memory but was amazed to realize how hopelessly green she had been then. Not just green, but scared too. And now she'd been able to face two full moon Shadows without losing it. How had she forgotten that? Not to mention she'd stood up to a freakin' sentient Shadow before she even knew what those were and come to a... rough understanding with it. But that was something different.

"You're right. I forgot that kind of feeling and how far I've come. I don't know why the heck I'm panicking," she groaned a little. "It's like my brain feels the need to torture itself. But anyway... yeah, looks like Alisa will lead the assault, but they sure as heck won't go at it without me. Or Kyle. Poor bastard looked like he was losing when he heard the news. I think he was pretty close to Vice. I'll need to keep an eye on him or he'll get himself killed..."

That was beyond true. She shouldn't have run away from the scene; who knew what Kyle was doing. Hopefully he was too tired to raise a ruckus now. She'd have to take care of him later.

But then she studied Layla's weapon with avid interest. "Wow, that's fascinating! I'd heard of these kind of swords before but I'd never seen one up close or in actual combat use. Good grief, that thing looks downright lethal. Kudos to you for having the skill to use it," she said with honest admiration. "Where did you learn? Me... well, I've just been winging it with a hammer. I started out with a crowbar but then a couple of hammers came my way and I made the best of them. I've been thinking about learning how to fire a bow though, sometimes I need the range advantage."

[Layla Amare]

Yeah, that sounded familiar. Layla had escaped the poison herself during the first fight, but quite a few people hadn't. She distinctly remembered Alisa being in the same position back then, puking her guts out. That had to have been back when she didn't even have a persona. Healing one of their strongest attackers at the time had been more important, but if the shadow hadn't started charging up immediately afterward Layla would have gone for her next.

...Wow, thinking back at how much she struggled during her first battles, how did all the new bloods survive the recent ones?

Phoebe mentioned that she didn't know why she was panicking, but Layla simply kept her calm smile. "You've been faced with something you don't want to accept," Layla said. "A lot of people there were. I wasn't close with Vice, but I knew how strong he was. I saw it myself last month, after all. Finding out that he was killed by a shadow...that's hard to take in. I think I can understand. Even then, I was in your position a little more than a week ago. I...think I'm better now, at least." She didn't go into detail. If Phoebe wanted to ask, Layla wouldn't stop her, but otherwise there was no need to talk about it. She wasn't going to burden anyone else with her own problems.

Instead, she focused on Phoebe's questions about her weapon. "I studied kalaripayattu for awhile before moving out here. I actually wasn't supposed to start learning anything like this for awhile, but...well, when I started college here in Mosaic I couldn't really continue, so I just started practicing with the most harmless equivalents I could find until I was confident enough to try using one."

[Phoebe Minola]

Phoebe sensed a little of sadness in Layla's voice. Yeah... she definitely sounded like she was speaking from experience. She couldn't bring herself to pry about it.

"Vice was strong indeed..." she muttered. "That's why I find it so hard to believe. It just scares me because I realize that if someone like Vice can get overwhelmed then what'll happen to the rest of us? It makes me wonder what the point of getting stronger is but then I think..."

She paused. "...that Vice probably... just gave up. And I wonder, was it because nobody was there? When I think of that I just... kind of get worried all over again."

She cupped her face in her hands. "I want to stop freaking out so much. I have to, or I might make some horrible mistake one of these days."

She sat back up and sighed. "I wish I'd done some kinda martial art myself," she commented. "I was always too busy studying when I was younger though and the only sport I did was swimming. All I know is how to handle small guns and I don't even own one," she scoffed. "I might... take up something. I probably could use the discipline and training. Maybe archery."

She breathed out and sniffled a bit. "Wow I... really unloaded on you. Jeez... thanks for being so patient. I really had no idea I'd gotten this worked up. I've got to do something about this."

[Layla Amare]

"It's never too late to start something," Layla said. For the rest of what Phoebe said, Layla just let her talk. Letting her get it out was probably more helpful than trying to give more advice than she already had. But training, taking up a discipline, that was something she had to respond to. "I remember one of the people I trained with was over fifty, but had only been doing it for a couple years. If you're not still too busy, I'd say go for it. It can only help you."

She smiled, then let out a sigh. 'Too busy' was always a relative term, nowadays. Layla had plenty of free time, but always felt like she couldn't afford to waste any time. It could run out all too fast, after all. So she kept busy when she could, whether it was with training, or fighting shadows, or just plain trying to enjoy herself. But if something needed doing, she could always make time. That wasn't always the case for other people.

"Hey," she added after a few seconds, "Don't worry about unloading on me. I don't mind listening. So, feel free to come back if you ever get worked up like this again." She rested her hand on Phoebe's shoulder. "Even if no one else is there, I'm staying right where I am. I can't guarantee it'll last forever, but I'll be here for as long as I can. For you, or for anyone else. I don't want to see anyone else end up like Vice."

[Phoebe Minola]

Phoebe wiped her eyes one more time and adjusted her glasses. Layla was right, it would be better to keep busy with things rather than stay idle and allow herself to sink into depression. She had to stand up to the overwhelming feelings brought about by these revelations and do her best.

"Yeah, I suppose I will," she said. "Thanks, again. You should come by the Shakespeare & Co. bookstore someday, in Golden Alice. Coffee'll be on me."

She sat back on the bench and gazed around the park. Wow, she hadn't realized how calm and peaceful this place was at night. It was actually quite beautiful under the stars. Looking at it, one wouldn't think the city was isolated from the world and trapped in a bubble of Shadows.

"Huh... never quite realized how nice it is here," she said. "I might sit here for a bit to calm down, then head home..."

[Layla Amare]

Phoebe seemed to be feeling better now. Calm? Probably not. But several steps up from the freakout she'd been having, at least. Of course, Layla couldn't tell how she actually felt, but from the looks of it she'd managed to settle down. She extended an invitation, which Layla was more than happy to accept. If nothing else, it would allow her to check up on Phoebe a little later on. The coffee sounded nice too. "I'd be happy to," Layla said. "Although, that only narrows down where it is so much. I still get lost in Golden Alice from time to time." She gave an awkward laugh, then sat back on the bench as well.

Phoebe commented on how nice it was in the park, to which Layla nodded. "Hard to believe we're in the middle of a big city," she answered. "Or that there's shadow-filled wastelands just outside the lockdown." She paused for a second, just watching the sky, then added, "I'll stay here with you for awhile, if you want."